Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
