Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
