i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize