Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
