So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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