I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
