It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He has the fingertips of a God
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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