my phone needs a breathalizer
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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