Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
