He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
