I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
