a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
