How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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