worst night to have a conscience
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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