You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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