Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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