The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
