I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
