I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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