i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
