The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
