Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
