Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize