There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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