he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is Oprah even human
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
