He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
