I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
