TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
