bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
