it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
