Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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