yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
