Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
