so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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