so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
