I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
