the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
