I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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