from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
