Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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