roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize