He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
