I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
