I heard we made out
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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