I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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