I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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