She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
3pm strippers are depressing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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