I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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