shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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