PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
