Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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