He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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