I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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