In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
