Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
