I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
