Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
