So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
