your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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