I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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