my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
