rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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