We're facebook friends in real life
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
