We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
