i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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