true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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