then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
