Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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