TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
