how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
