Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
