with your own penis?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
