At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize