I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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