Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
