you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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