Jerry, you need to find god
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize