i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What drink are we having for lunch?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
