he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
