I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
