yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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