I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i think i just lost a toe
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
