I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
