After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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