I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
