He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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