so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
