she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
