i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
