You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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