In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he just fucked me for my cheese..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
