just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
