so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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